Fast forward to the time when the Turkey’s in the oven and I’ve cleaned up the mess I made. Time now to go into the living room and catch some early morning news while I wait for the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade to begin.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not watching it because it’s good or anything; I watch it so that I can heckle it from the warmth and comfort of my own couch. This is because I’ve found that the Thanksgiving Day Parade is mostly just a commercial for whatever’s currently playing on Broadway. “We’ll be back to the parade in a moment, Katie, but first here’s a number from ‘The Will Rogers Follies’.”
These showtunes DO have the capacity to be entertaining - whenever the performers aren’t lip-synching the lyrics correctly. That’s actually freakin’ hilarious. Saw it happen one year to Matthew Broderick when he was doing a song from “The Producers”. Bet someone’s head rolled for that later.
Then there are the boy bands (especially ones you’ve never heard of) on floats for the Clearasil crowd to scream over. Oh and this is for all you young girls out there: I have a better chance at dating some of those boys than you would. Not that I’m inclined to, mind you, but I’m just sayin’. I’m into women (one in particular) far too deeply (no pun intended) to switch hit now.
Ah, what I’d give to see one of these boy band floats run into an exploding gas line. Now THAT would be entertaining!
Another favorite part of the parade for me is seeing D-list celebrities that you haven’t seen for years – until this parade. Susan Anton, for instance. Does she really need a parade appearance to pad her professional resume? I mean, what does she do to keep her star afloat? Does she get recognized on the street anymore? Did anyone even know her as her float went by?
Then last year there he was: Rick Astley! Standing on a float and mouthing the words to “Never Gonna Give You Up”. Gee, doesn’t hearing a few bars of that song really drive home the fact that it’s Thanksgiving Day? Karen gave me an annoyed glare when I started heckling Rick because she has an Astley CD or two lying around somewhere and apparently likes the boy.
The cartoon character balloons really do nothing for me, either. It’s fun, though, to hear Katie, Matt or Al stumble over the character’s “history” bios as if anyone who is listening cares. I keep hoping that one of the balloons will get away from its handlers and float the hell off. Something to look forward to if it ever does happen.
The parade ends before the turkey is done, of course, so we wind up eating our meal during some dumb dog show competition. However, I’d rather sit through that than before forced to endure The Wendy Williams Show. Enough said on that level, I suppose.
Oh well, Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
